One of the many things I hate about myself, is that people think I'm smart. Well I'm not.

Sure, I do have a 6.6 GPA (the maximum limit at my HS is 7.0), a class rank of about 21, and I get a good amount of A's. But that doesn't mean anything.

Grades are just grades. They don't really show how smart you are. IQ tests show how smart you are, but not your basic average grades. It's only because I know what teachers want, and I give it to them. That's the way I get my A's.

But I'm really an idiot. I can't understand a joke sometimes. I'm not as highly knowledgable in the fields of pop culture, fashion, arts, sports, and other basic things teens really know. I've got no skills like that.

I'm also a slow thinker. It takes me a long time to look and analyze things. Slow thinkers in the future aren't going to get a good job. That's why I'm not good at sports or competing - I'm too hesitant and slow to make an action. I also take a very long time to do tests and quizzes at school, because sometimes I'm not sure or can remember.

So when people think I'm smart, I feel like I'm deceiving them. I'm practically as smart as they are, or maybe dumber.

Smart used to mean nerdy a while ago, but being smart is good these days. But I'm not smart, so I hate being credited with something I'm not.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Like my tongue twister? Neat, isn't it? Lately, I've been out of my mind. I don't know why. I can't do work on time. I'm always doing things late, procrastinating, it's just crazy! And I've been getting bad grades as well. 76 on a Science test. 79 on an Algebra II quiz. 82 average in English. I don't know why. I don't usually make bad grades.

I've also been feeling even more insecure about myself and my identity. Now some people may think the things I do are weird (like asking a lot of questions, being very straightforward, super expressive, etc.) but I only do that to make myself different. To make myself a 'somebody'. I thought doing so, would make me more noticeable and well-liked. I was wrong.

Instead people find it weird, offending, along with a myriad of opinions. Some think asking questions is being annoying or nosy. Being straightforward can sound rude, regardless if it's true. Being super expressive, can cause some apprehension towards me when I get angry.

I remember not so long ago, people thought I was just one of those 'quiet' people. Those people that stick to themselves a lot at school, and aren't somebody you want to hang out with. Well that's not what I wanted to be labeled as. I would not always look people straight in the eye, because I felt ashamed of myself, and having somebody look me in the face made me even more uncomfortable.

But that changed. Over the summer of 07', I worked real hard in being a new person. A person that can be well-liked. A person people notice. A person that's a somebody.

Now, I'm rethinking if this had any impact on my sociability status. So here are some thoughts:

• I know a lot of people - most I know by person, some just by name
• I have a lot of connections amongst different groups, kind of
• I've never been invited to so many outings, parties, dinners, etc. in my whole life.
• Going to popular social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook, I've racked a good number of friends (and meeting new ones)

Now at JVHS, I don't really think there's a fine line between social groups (ie: Jocks, Geeks, Dorks, etc.) as some people mingle in between areas, and most people work well with one another, but there are obvious lines between where people might not cross. I'm the kind of person who can access all lines.

I'm a good talker. I can persuade anyone to practically do anything. I've learned what ways are best.

I'm also good at figuring out people. Being an amateur detective, it's just one of my skills. I can tell what people are usually like just by how they look.

So I have made some strides, but it's not enough. Like I said, I wanted to be a somebody.

There are 2 ways to be a somebody :

1. Looking good
2. Having talent

Unfortunately, #1 doesn't really apply to me much. I don't really have a #2 either, unless you count detective skills. Though it's hard to find mysteries in NW Houston.

But those are the two major components to being a somebody. Those are the people that are on TV. Those are the people that get talked about at school.

So I'm going to work on a better way of getting there. Right now though, I'm so confused.

I'm not doing so hot in Algebra II. We're working on inverses and composition and stuff like that. I think it's rather tough. Deciding what to call the answer, determining the domain and range, etc.

I think Chemistry is hard too. I find it hard to keep straight what makes something soluble, unsaturated vs. saturated vs. supersaturated, etc. That too is hard.

History is as easy as pie. We're just mainly working on a booklet project, and what we fill in comes straight from class. As usual, it's very laid back, and the most interesting people are in that class.

That's all I feel like saying today.